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Post Ep | Romance | General | Drama

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If Only

Why didn't I see this coming? He's my best friend, and yet I didn't know he had been having such horrible nightmares of the shooting.

I should have said something when he walked into the foyer, only to see and hear a brass quintet. I have never seen such a formidable look on his face. Josh never looked so tormented before. The only time any of us started to worry was when he started losing his temper over the slightest thing.

Why didn't I say anything? He's my best friend. Now I feel as if I have broken our friendship.

And the Oval Office! Why did I not go after him after he yelled at the President? I should have said something. I should have stopped him from yelling. Why didn't I?

Some friend I am. Hell, if I were Josh, I would hate me. I said nothing - nothing to Leo, Toby, or C.J. I didn't tell them that I knew something was wrong with Josh.

If I could have just talked to him. But no - I was too busy with my own work to think about my best friend. If only I talked to him about his nightmares, none of this would have happened. We had a bond that no one could ever break...or so I thought.

So now I am sitting here, in my office, taking pity on myself when I could - when I SHOULD be talking to Josh. I have to. I'm going nowhere. Why am I not moving? Because this is my fault, that's why.

If only I talked to him. What am I going to do now? I can't keep feeling sorry for myself. And yet, I am. I must be the worst friend anyone has ever had. 'Josh I am so sorry!' Why can't I go up to him and tell him that?

If only I had talked to him.

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